Physical abandonment occurs when a child’s tangible needs are not met. Abandonment does not have to be a dramatic exit it can involve subtle and repeated acts of physical or emotional abuse over the years. When people think of the act of ‘being abandoned’, they likely imagine a loved one leaving them on the side of the road without explanation or care.
Learn about the signs of abandonment issues in adulthood and the types of therapiesthat can help individuals heal. The weight of emotional baggage can be lightened with therapy. Borderline personality disorder is, in part, caused by trauma and leads to abandonment issues in relationships and problems with drugs or alcohol. Some children are abandoned by their parents, a form of abuse that can be profoundly traumatic and leave emotional scars for years to come.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)Įxperiences a person has in childhood influence the character traits they develop as they grow to become adults. Didactic Groups Addiction and mental health problems. The outer false self may be more indicative of grandiosity, further protecting a vulnerable inner core. Of course, this trepidation is well buried and covered up with the thick and high walls of the defense mechanisms of projection, denial, and acting out (Ronningstam, 2013). Therefore, a significant and profound fear of abandonment resides at the core of the narcissistic abuser’s inner psyche. Given a childhood in which the “vulnerable” narcissist was devalued and discarded by primary attachment figure(s), the NPD individual grows up associating pain with love. Interestingly enough, individuals with NPD demonstrate a core psychic wounding which stems from the experience of shame (Louis de Canonville, 2017). Thus, the NPD individual subconsciously seeks to resolve this dynamic in future adult relationships, and consistently replicates the toxic dynamic in romantic relationships with significant others (Zayn, 2007). Their childhood was fraught with rejecting and abandoning behaviors by their primary attachment figure(s). As an adult, the person with NPD is terrified of rejection, abandonment, and criticism. Therapists trained in understanding personality disorders may also see some components of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) blending in with the NPD individual, specifically the “vulnerable” NPD (Kreger, 2017). Much has been written about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which I will not cover in this article but refer the reader to additional resources for further illumination (Schneider, 2016). Even so, many clients want to understand how their abuser could move through life with a diagnostic label of NPD. There is no excuse for narcissistic (or any form of ) abuse. As a caveat, not all people with narcissistic traits are abusive, but those on the extreme end of the spectrum of NPD do manifest difficulty with interpersonal relationships where lack of empathy, power and control dynamics, and psychological abuse become part and parcel of interactions (DSM-5, 2013). In reality, by challenging cognitive distortions and other interventions, survivors heal and work through relational trauma as they realize that often (but not always) the abuser fit the profile of of extreme NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)(Thomas, 2016). Survivors of psychological abuse often hold onto shame and self-blame, feeling that they deserved the abuse they sustained over time. Psycho-education empowers my clients to heal, as they work through cognitive dissonance after experiencing a multitude of emotional abuse tactics by their abuser (Louis de Canonville, 2017). 
In many circumstances, the clients I work with have been impacted by narcissistic abuse, whether in family, romance or work settings. However, as relates to healing in the aftermath of psychological abuse, my clients often find relief in understanding the specific type of abuse they have sustained. As a strengths-focused therapist, I have always been loathe to assign labels to human beings. We, in the mental health field, who work with survivors of psychological abuse generally are versed in the subtle nuances of personality disorders. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose. When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary.
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